Why ‘should’ makes you tense up

In yesterday's note, I explained how you can reframe the stories in your head if they don't serve you

Stress, frustration and unhappiness can be signals that tell you: "Hang on. What narrative is running here? Let's assess."

As promised, here's an example:

I'm riding my motorcycle, and I'm tired. Without realising, I exceed the limit (a little) and don't see the camera. When I get the £100 fine in the mail, a series of stories jump into my mind:

- 'I should have spotted the camera'

- 'I shouldn't ride when I'm tired'

- 'The authorities do this only to make money'

- 'There's no freedom any more'

The question is — do these thoughts represent reality? Are they true?

[Note that I only feel the need to do this if these thoughts are a problem, i.e. I ruminate on them and it doesn't feel good.

"I should have spotted the camera" is a thought that argues with reality.

I will likely feel regret, anger, annoyance, guilt when I believe this thought.

The truth is that I did not spot the camera

So we could say "I shouldn't have spotted the camera"

How do I know? Because I didn't!

When we experience stressful feelings, the reason may be that we are believing a thought that contradicts reality

Tomorrow, I'll give you a simple, effective daily practice to help you apply this principle

Have a great day